Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Emptying My Brain....

Something is wrong with a group of 8th graders walking down the hall shouting out words like "estrogen! fallopian tube! testicles!" and no adult questioning it. Remind me to stay away from the health class rooms from now on.

Picking Haley up from school this week, I zipped her coat up too high (she hates that). When she started complaining that she didn't like this coat, I offered to help her unzip it if she gave me a kiss. The following conversation took place:

"Mommy. I DO NOT like this coat! The zipper goes up to high on my little neck and it is most uncomfortable!"
"No honey, I zipped it up so high so you would need help and I could get an extra kiss from you. I did it on pore-piss (sometimes I say things wrong just to be funny. I am one of those moms)
"Mommy! It is on purpose! Don't say porpoise or you have to go to speech!"
But I did get my extra kiss.

I made chicken chili for dinner. It was very yummy. I made enough to feed a small village in South America. For just the girls and I. I have cooking issues.

Haley drank most of hers through a straw. Then she picked out all the beans and ate them first. Then she ate the chicken. Kids are not supposed to like chili. She ate her weight worth of it. It was hot and spicy, too.

Erin liked it and ate her fair share. About half an hour later she was helping me clean up the kitchen when she said, "Mom, I gotta go to the bathroom. The chili is kicking in."


"I think my digestive system needs to empty out. This could take a while."
She is going to hate me when she realizes I posted that, but it was so damn funny.

Why was Haley complaining in February of her coat? Why is she not used to it by now? Funny you should ask. Because this past weekend, she decided to wear a sweatshirt and her vest one day and left her winter coat at home. It must have been left in an "unsafe" place because the dogs got to it. Yes, the tag team of mass destruction. The mantra "Release The Stuffing" apparently applies to coats as well since this is the 3rd winter coat eaten by my dogs in 2 years. She is now wearing one of Erin's old coats. and it feels like hugging a marshmallow when you squeeze her in it.

Every day when I walk into the family room, Haley is watching TV. upside down. On her head. She likes the view that way.

Erin is doing her biography report on Helen Keller. She will tell you that Helen Keller was deaf, blind and dumb. Not the kind of dumb where you are stupid, like our dogs, just the kind of dumb where you can't talk. That is different. Then she will proceed to tell you how daddy told her to google Helen Keller jokes. She learned some lousy good ones.

How did Helen Keller burn her face?
She answered the iron?

How did Helen Keller play the piano?
She proceeds to make piano motions with one hand and then uses her other hand to make open-close mouth motions to imitate singing.

Thanks, daddy. That was not at all helpful.

After spending a half hour every day in the cafeteria on 7th grade lunch duty, I have a complete and comprehensive understanding of why wild animals eat their young. They don't want them to become adolescents.

My mother is sewing a quilt. She was doing this in front of Erin. Erin is now trying to sew everything in sight. Ira had a hole in his jeans and was going to throw them away. It is an unrepairable hole, truly. Erin decided she can "fix" it. Little girl actually took needle and thread to the jeans and sewed the hole. When Ira put them on they ripped from here to kingdom come. Erin thinks she has a lot of work to do now to fix that.... An entire leg has now come off of this pair of jeans and my 8 year old is going to repair it with a spool of white thread and a scrapbook needle I use on paper.

Pictures will follow....

Haley is not allowed to bring meat to school for lunch. We have told her we found special veggie and soy "kosher chicken nuggets" that are allowed. Ok, they are veggie nuggets. She loves them. She eats them. Yesterday was the first day in about 4 months that she ate lunch that did not consist of PB & J. Yahoo. I will lie to my child if it opens up my options for packing lunches. Sue me.

Ira ordered new treats for the dogs. Cow Tracheas. ack, gag, ugh Yum. They gave Izzy such bad gas I was actually nauseous. I had to remove her from the room. It was toe curling, stomach churning, nose-hair-burnin, napalm dropping gas. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it, it was that bad. On the good side, there is apparently a lot of chondroitin and glucosomine or something like that in tracheas which is good for joint strength and since Rufus has that bum knee, this is good. If they don't stink us out of house and home.

I think we will save those treats for when they are at the kennel?

Ok. I feel better.

Have a lovely day.


sAm said...

eww..dog farts...while I'm sure Cow Tracheas are very nice to have in a jar on the cupboard, just as an FYI - they do sell chondroitin and glucosomine treats - I can't remember the name, but my dog has three a day for his bad hips. And they help. And he doesn't have gas from them. However, he does have the most gosh-awful breath. But I think that has to do more with junk eating than the treats.

Anna Lefler said...

My kids like chili, too! What's up with that?

When I was little, I wouldn't have eaten that if you paid me.

Of course, those are the nights when we sleep with the windows strategically open...

:^) Anna

Jamie said...

Kaitlyn has always liked chili too! And, when she was about 2, she ate kidney beans for a snack....cold.....with nothing on them! Love reading your "mind."

Lynda said...

I've been checking since cops r ppl 2 for update. ur blog just makes me laugh so much!! Guess those coats won't be coming d's way

nikkicrumpet said...

Your household cracks me up. I bet you never have a dull moment...or a peaceful one for that matter! And dog gas...if we could turn it into a weapon....we could destroy the universe!