Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Stink Bugs, Well... Stink!

So, about 2 years ago, we started getting all these little brown bugs. They kind of looked liked seeds or something. There were a lot of them. I brought one of them to school and asked the secretary (who is an entomologist by trade, but that is another story) what it was. Yeah, it was a STINK BUG. She, of course, being an entomologist, had a big fancy Latin name for it. Something like Bugitius-Stinkitium I seem to think....

Anyhoo, she assured me that the strange warm autumn that turned cold suddenly was to blame on the sudden influx of these guys into our home and that they would vanish with true winter never to be seen again. Did you catch the first sentence "ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO?" Make the connection that I am writing this now? Yeah, they are still here. And I am getting rather tired of them. The damn little stink bugs, they are everywhere! They are not very smart either. They just sit. and watch. and wait. for you to find them. Then they make their stink. So I crush them. And then I stink. Little buggers have the last laugh, don't they?

They never try to escape like most bugs do. No-sir-ee. They just sit there. As if I am going to mistake their brown bugginess for something else. Even Haley will kill them all by herself. The cry of STINKBUG! can be heard at any time of day or night in our house... followed by a deep sigh and "I'll get a tissue". You can't let them touch you. Not even your shoe. They squirt their noxious smell and then you must go through a detox chamber to remove the odor.

One day this fall, Ira was cleaning up the back porch. He hit Stinkbug Jackpot. He picked up the cooler we had left outside, and lo and behold... buggy NIRVANA living in the wheels of the cooler! I look out the window, and there is my husband doing this Irish Stepdance interpretation as he clopped all over the things on our back porch. As he continued to pick up the seasonal things to put away, each item uncovered a new colony. Seems they found our stuff was the perfect cover in the turning weather. HA! He showed them, now, didn't he? There had to be close to 200 little brown corpses scattered all over the deck. Which he insisted on leaving there. As a message to the others. "Stink Bugs Be Wary Of This Porch" Yeah, the things are sooo smart, that they would see their fallen comrades and fly someplace else to infest. Did I not mention that they fly? Yes. They do. So, now our deck reeks of stink bugs, as did my husbands sneakers. It was worth the price to watch the suckers die. But that was not the last time he defeated his arch-nemesis. No indeed.

Then, last winter there was the first fire of the season in our fire place. Did you know that if you don't clean out the fireplace at the end of winter, and you leave like alllll the ashes in there, it is a wonderful place for stink bugs to hide? And that when you finally open up the fireplace, and start to rip up paper, lay down kindling and stack up logs, they don't scurry like smart little bugs? And when you toss in the first lit match, those little stinkers just sit... and fry... and sizzle...and make a wonderful popping sound? And in the fire, they don't smell that completely awful. So last fall, we had another small victory over one particular colony. If only that was the end.

But alas, that was the 2nd season of the stinkbug.

They were back this fall. Third time.

Last weekend, Ira went out back and realized somehow he had left the cover off the grill (Ok, Rufus probably pulled it off, but let's not go there). He opened the lid, and it was a little rusty, so he lit it up to burn off the rusty spots.

See where I am headed?

Fry, buggies! Fry!

Nothing like crunchy stinkbugs to warm a gal's heart. I mean, how stupid can you be to live in a grill, for God's Sake? I love the way they crackle in the crisp winter night. I wish I could say revenge was sweet, but it was a little stinky. Still worth it. I just don't understand. They have chosen to live in places that we completely destroy them, yet they keep showing up. What is with these guys?

So our battle with the stinkbugs continues. If you know of any other methods to get rid of them, besides grilling, toasting, sending your kids and dogs after them or just doing the Stink-Bug-Irish-Step-Dance, please, share.

I am beginning to consider naming them and inviting them to family dinners. They show up anyway. Maybe they will help deter those family members you prefer to not have show up in the first place?


Nancy said...

I can't believe you posted pictures of these guys...
Maybe we'll have a cold enough winter and they'll freeze in their tracks, (although if they stay in your fireplace and grill they'll be "warm")

Baby G said...

You truly are sick!