Please Excuse My Absence.

"Mommy! You are ALWAYS on your computer! Get off your computer and spend TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN!"

This is what Haley said to me one day after school way back in April. Kind of hit me pretty hard. We had gotten in to this routine, you see. We came home, unpacked bags, checked mail, made snacks... then I got on the computer and the kids played. We were in the same room, but we were not together, I suppose.

And it took a 5 year old to make me realize it.

So I have not blogged for about a month.
I am going to try again. Hopefully I can do better. It is almost summer, so I will have all the time I need during the day to read the gazillion blogs I love and not neglect my children :o) I hope....

Cooking for 462 people... or 24. Feels the same.

I have the biggest house in the family. A big family. A very extended family. SO when there is a holiday, it is at my house. Of course, a holiday, or just a random Sunday in the summer, is any reason for us to gather. We no not discriminate. If someone in my family has met you once, and you are not busy on such an occasion, you are invited.

And I will feed you.

This is how it turns out that I was cooking for 247 people for Passover Dinner on Saturday. No, Passover was not Saturday, but my family decided the calendar was not convenient. Niece in college, people working, kids have school, yadda-yadda-yadda... we made it Saturday night.

To keep my kids busy while I cooked, for 2 days, we colored "Passover" Eggs. Not exactly kosher, but effective.










Like the little faces and hats? I swear, the one with the black hat is a little Hasidic Jew-Egg. The kids kept yelling "Merry Eggs-mas"! It was hysterical.


This is what 462 people looks like in my dining room plus 2 more tables added on extending into my living room. You can't even see the people all the way in the back. I am not that good of a photographer and I didn't have the super zoom long distance lens to get people 87 yards away.



We celebrated Ira's Rachael's and Lindsay's birthdays. With kosher-for-passover cakes. They were.... interesting. But it's the thought that counts, right?


Here is the entire crew on the couch, thanks to the self-timer function!



And this is what my kitchen looked like when everyone left. You can't see the dishwasher is full or the pile of dirty towels on the floor.

The Curious Incident About the 5 Year Old and The Dogs in the Middle of the Night.

The other night I went to bed, by myself. Not unusual. Ira was working, and the dogs were each in bed with one of the girls.

I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and I was not alone. I had the Hounds of Hell all curled up in bed with me.

And Haley sitting on me.

Daddy, still at work.

"Mommy. I need help."

"Wuz-a-matter-its-the-middle-of-the-night?" {whining invloved from mommy, not child here}

"It's cold, and the damn dogs are hogging all the blankets."

"Oh."

mommy rolls dog over, pulls out some quilt and tucks child in.

"That better?"

"Yes, thank you. mommy"

Always polite, even at three a.m.

Example # 648 of how we screw up as parents.

My oldest daughter, Erin, is a slob. She doesn't put away anything. She drops things on the floor where she is and there they stay.

My daughter, Haley, is the anti-Erin. She will stop what she is doing to go upstairs and put her sneakers away. No one taught her this. I swear. No. Wire. Coat hangers. Involved.

The girls each have their own bedroom. Without me telling which belongs to which girl, you could figure it out from the above statement.

The cleaning lady left my house at 4:00 on Monday. At 8:30 as we tucked the girls in to bed, Erin's room was a disaster. Clothes on the floor, papers all over her desk, stuffed animals and blankets EVERY WHERE. We had not even been home much of the night.

Haley's Room? Pristine.

It is who they are.

As my husband tucked Haley in to bed, he told her, "Don't ever turn into your sister. She's a mess."

To which Haley replied"

"That's because mommy screwed up with her. I won't ever be like that."

So I suppose I have over emphasized the lesson of "Learn from your mistakes" to my children a little too much, ya think?

My First Blind Date. Ever.

I am 36 years old. My husband and I will be married 15 years this summer. We dated 5 years before that. (I will pause now for you to get some paper and pencil, or click on your computer's calculator function... go ahead, you can do it.... Got your math done now?)

Now that you have figured out we have been together since I was 16 and in high school together..... Last night was my first blind-date, so to speak. Ever!

Her name was Jing Jing. And no, she is not a Panda Bear.

My friend Aubree and I belong to this scrapbook kit-of-the-month club and talk on the on-line bulletin boards. {Ok, we are dorks. We are ok with that.} We met Jing Jing there about 2 years ago. We have chatted with her and emailed ever since. She is this completely awesome scrapbooker and so funny and we just love her. She seems like the kind of person you could just be great friends with... if she didn't live in Minnesota.

Turns out she was going to be in Philadelphia for a work conference this week. So we arranged to meet her for dinner.

It was a threesome-blind date. Ooh-la-la!

Here was the plan. We would meet in the lobby of her hotel, and go someplace for dinner. Well, I knew she was a small Chinese woman with short hair. She teased me in emails that she would be the one waving a paper trimmer around.

My husband questions if she was an ax murderer. No, silly, then she would have said she would be waving an AX around, not a paper trimmer! Men!

So, I search the hotel for a friendly little Chinese lady with short hair, and sneakers (from a picture she posted of her travels of the city earlier in the day). I was literally stalking every Asian woman with short hair in the hotel lobby checking out their shoes. I am surprised security didn't toss me out? I finally found her.

She is AWESOME! She is FUNNY! She is a bundle of energy and she doesn't even drink coffee! She can eat her weight worth of Italian food! She can not operate a cell phone and doesn't do Facebook or Twitter, and she is an IT person? She could have been my new BFF right up to the no texting thing. I must be in communications with my peeps at all times. Ask Aubree. We jam each others in boxes on a daily basis. Jing Jing, we will work on you. Come to the dark side!

How cool is it that this obsessive hobby of mine brought me yet another wonderful new friend?

Aubree and I had such a great time. We took Jing Jing to Magiano's for dinner, across from the hotel. They serve huge piles of food (HOLY BUCKETS!) and we ate until we could hardly walk. And we talked. And we laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Like only scrappers can do.

We stepped outside to take a picture {3 scrapbookers, together. DUH! You had to know that was coming!} So I stood in place while Aubree and Jing Jing set up their cameras. When three unsuspecting men walked by wearing the conference badges from the same conference Jing Jing was attending, she asked if they would mid helping us with a few pictures.

Absolutely! They say. The guys all proceed to huddle around me, put their arms around me, the one guy even kissed me on the side of the head! I am thinking they had hit the bar pretty hard at the cocktail reception..... So, Aubree and Jing Jing did what scrappers do best. They took pictures.

I don't know how we didn't pee our pants it was so funny!

So we get the guys to be serious, give them our cameras and get all set up. They say, "One, Two, Three.." and then run. Away. With our camera. LAUGHING!

We completely lost it then.

So, they come back, we try again, and they finally take a picture. Being oh so careful to capture the moment, we ask them to take another, just in case.

The one guy turns the camera around and takes his own picture!

Listen, buddy, we have you on film, and we know what conference you are attending.

We. Will. Find you.

Anyway, photo ops aside, it was just awesome. Like spending the night with a long lost friend you didn't even know you had.

But now, I do.


***I was not able to post the pictures because AUBREE AND JING JING DID NOT SEND THEM TO ME!

I no longer eat Lima Beans.

Yesterday was a fabulous warm sunny spring day. I had my sister's kids for the day while she was moving (I got the easy part of that deal!) so I sent them all outside to play. My oldest came in and was all excited, "Mommy! You have to come outside and see the Lima Beans we found!" It is spring, so I figured it was some kind of seed or pod or whatever. The kids are always finding things like that in the yard. Plus, we had construction last fall, and the yard is a disaster, so there is all kinds of dirt and every thing is all torn up.

Well, I told her to get a cup or bowl or something. I would see it in a little bit, but I know daddy would LOVE to see what they found when he got home from work! I had an 8, 6, 5, and 3 year old all happily entertained. For hours. With Lima Beans. Who was I to question my good fortune?

Around 5:15 or so, Hubby gets home. He comes stomping in the house and yells, "Wheres the damn broom!"

???

"Hi, honey, nice to see you too? The broom is where it always is. Why?"

"The kids dug up a bowl full of TERMITES and left them in a pile of dirt in the middle of the garage."


Lima Beans? Yeah, kids? Lima Beans don't move.

Maybe next time they say they found something they are that excited over, mommy should get up off her lazy ass and go take a peek, huh?

Probably.

But I doubt it.

It is so much more fun to save it for daddy.

and I really don't like bugs.

Why do we even bother?

We built this amazing playroom in the basement. There is an area for toys with huge shelves filled with every birthday and holiday gift they ever opened. A big rug, book shelves, more space for toys, a big play table... the other half has an art table, with plenty of organizers for art supplies, an easel, a sink. Next to that there is a couch with a TV and some pillows & blankets and stuffed animals. It is just PERFECT! I would have loved a place like this as a kid!

We have invested $874, 296 in the back yard. There is a ginormous swing set. With the swings the girls picked and a monkey-bar attachment. The top has a play house, and a rock wall, and a picnic table underneath. Daddy even built the world's most adorable cottage in the yard, put in carpet and painted the walls pink. They have cushions out there, doll house, toys, you name it.

They have more stuff in their rooms. They have a desk full of puzzles and games and art supplies in the family office. Computers with stuff they adore bookmarked as favorites, you name it. I have the world's most entirely spoiled kids on the planet. They have everything a child could possible want and a sister they (most of the time) like to play with to share it all with.

Then why do they spend the majority of their time sitting on the cold, hard concrete of the driveway playing with sidewalk chalk or digging in the dirt in the front yard looking for worms?

I have to admit, though, nothing makes me smile like pulling up to the house and seeing the masterpiece they have created.

Rites of Passage

This weekend I celebrated 3 Rites of Passage.

1) I drove my kids all over the world to different places, activities, picking up something for school, getting new shoes, this one to gymnastics, Hebrew school for that one, dog food, you name it. I am officialy a suburban mom. Hear. Me. Whine. With a coffee. A LOT of coffee.

2) I attended the Bar Mitvah of my dear friends, Ron and Ivy's son. David, I love you. You were wonderful. I especially loved the reception where you told your brother you could only love him more "If his name was Melve so it rhymed with Twelve" so he could come and light the candle with you. Who had the bright idea to give that kid a microphone?

3)My niece Samantha's Quinceanera. Yes, it is a traditional Hispanic celebration of a girl's 15th birthday and becoming a woman. No, we are not traditional, nor are we hispanic. We had a had a party at my house, played Wii and had ice cream cake. and there was Taco dip. And she turned 15. So close enough.

My niece from college, Rachael, was home, so that made it even specialer. And she isn't Hispanic either. But my Gay-Ex-Brother-In-Law-Who-Buys-Rasberry-Balsamic-Vinager-From-The-Christmas-Tree-Store (Cause dude, they don't just sell Christmas Trees!)is Italian, so that is close. As close as Taco dip....and his 95 year old Italian father who kept making sexual inuendos on all the ladies were there. That is is kind of close to Latino, isn't it?








This is my sister, my niece, and myself. You can see how exactly "Non-Latina" we are. Well, we can dance, so maybe we have a little in us.


All were awesome and are just what weekends are about. Not one minute of my weekend could have been better, unless my hubby had been around to share more of it with me.

3 more Sundays until tax season is over.

Driving in NJ

From Sarah, of If I Could Do Something Else I Would
Seriously, there are only two things needed to drive
effectively in NJ: A horn and a middle finger.
Everything else is superfluous, including knowing where you
are going.
For those of you who live in Jersey or have lived there,
these things may come as no surprise. For those who
haven't travelled there before
Beware, Be Prepared and Be Afraid.... Be Very Afraid.

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is
Nork - rhymes with Fork, not New-ark. Also, Trenton is not
pronounced Tren-ton, it is Tren-tin.









2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening
rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour
starts on Thursday morning.









3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph.
On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Sissy." (Just ask the Governor of NJ)








4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey
has its own version of traffic rules. For example,
cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way
stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second;
However, in Monmouth and Burlington counties, SUV-driving,
cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. I like
that one!










5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear
ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. (I have witnessed this one,
minus the shooting.)










6. Never honk at anyone. EVER ! Seriously. It's
another offense that can get you shot.







7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of
Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your
entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to
make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.






8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks,
dogs, cats, barrels, cones, Celebes, rubber-neckers, shredded
tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the
Homeless feeding on any of these items.














9. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are
where they say they are or go where they say they do and all
the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again
to make your ride more exciting.











10.. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them
to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been
"accidentally activated."











11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a
55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will
be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the
flip, you'll be shot.







12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday
afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for
Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for
anything on Monday morning.








Lastly, there is one driving rule that I would like today,
as witnessed this morning. The first day of spring. There
were snow flurries in the sky. The road was just barely
wet. Drive as though there is 47 inches of snow on
the ground.

Who do you think you are listening to?

Sitting with another mom, talking about our kids. Moms do that. She was telling me how much her son likes to rock out to one of those Disney movie sound tracks: Camp Rock, High School Musical or one of them, I don't even remember. We were laughing about they way the kids make up or misinterpret the words from songs, just how funny it is (Erin thought Carrie Underwood's Before He Cheats on Me was "Before He Eats Cheese on Me" HA!)

Then I mention Haley and Erin rocking out to Gwen Stefani.

She gets this look of disgust on her face. Like I just admitted I peddle my kids on the Internet as child porn.

"I don't allow my children to listen to artists like that. We stay with things like Kidz Bop"


Um, Hello, whose songs do you think they are on Kidz Bop?

Kidz Bop 13 Party Like a Rockstar, anyone?